WARNING: This is a whinge.

So the bad mood continues.

I just had to leave the room so i didn't explode. Theres a weird tension in this house still, mostly coming from W, which really sucks because we cant do any more than we're doing. I know i'm fucking trying to the point of discomfort and unhappiness. The least he could do was try be a bit more cheery or friendly or something - maybe, i dont know, indulge what i want and need for a nice change.

I'm so hungry i cant even explain. Todays meals included 1 piece of toast which i ended up throwing up anyway (still weirdly queezy) a slice of pizza and some garlic bread. Not enough really. Yesterday i ate one piece of toast and several cups of coffee..oh and some vegetables...mmm filling. i'm so over this brokeness. I'm officially still in debt. I work my arse off all day and cant afford to eat, or even afford to buy my best friend a decent birthday present. I hate it. I've been looking after D too, financially, because he hasn't been paid yet.

I guess i shouldn't complain. The other option is being at home, and i dont want that. At least intense hunger is better than living in that hell hole.

My cars out of petrol and i cant fill it. I dont know how i'll get to work tomorrow. Cant believe its thursday tomorrow, already. It feels like it was thursday yesterday. I have lots of work and preparation to do.

Wish i could stop thinking about the pain in my arm (think its snapped) and the grumble of my stomach. Tired. Over it.

In good news, my bro might be moving in here for a few months. It sucks that i'm even too worried to bring it up in front of these guys.

Well, i'm out.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

I am in perhaps the worst mood i remember being in for a very long time. Its bordering on angry, and i dont usually get angry. I can feel myself getting so fired up that i feel like i'm about to explode.

Yes, i'm a naturally firey person, mostly because i'm passionate about a lot of things, but i'm not firey in the 'scream/yell/rip someones head off' way.

well, i am right now. And i dont like it.

Its for a lot of reasons and i shall list them. I like lists.

1. This house at the moment, including King W and the way its making in me feel in my own damn house. I feel like i'm living with my fucking dad.

2. Thinking about the prospects of getting new people in if Z and B fullfil their threats to move. Knowing that Ia and I will clash re people to get in. ie he'll want girls, i'll want boys. I just dont get along with girls and i moved here to live with boys.

3. So so so so so much work to do.

4. Reinstallment of the fucked up reciept jar - it didn't work last time, how is it going to work this time? I'm too broke for this.

5. My hormones are messed i imagine.

6. I havent been getting any sleep due to the pain in my arm. I've just been lying there with tears streaming down my face. It hurts so much.

7. D is frustratingly stupid sometimes. I know thats cruel and judgemental, but sometimes i just need to interact with intelligent, on-the-ball, cultured kinda people who will keep up and not ask stupid questions about who Tolstoy is and what is Anna Karenina and who painted Starry Night. I'm not the queen of culture but please, get some sort of clue. I appreciate this is TOTALLY unfair, i'm just wanting to have a bitch because i'd never say anything to his face. He'd be crushed and continue trying to impress me with witty science banter thats becoming nauseating with its transparancy. God its bothering me. And while i'm on this point - personal pronouns are NOT interchangable. EVER. And adverse means bad or unpleasant and averse means indisposed or reluctant. Theres a significant difference. I could really go on, but i shouldn't. He's actually very intelligent, just on an entirely different wave-length from me so ever time we have a conversation it comes off as him not having any idea. He is going to be a Doctor in a few months so he cant be that slow....hahaha

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm evil sometimes.

I worry sometimes about who will stumble across this and how they'll feel about the things they read. I should be more careful to not use peoples names that may come up in a google search.

Things are very busy this week and last. We're approaching half semester break and so lots of assessment is due. Also busy trying to write christians speech, do the video and the music. I'm still writing inspired so i'm also trying to find time to write before the inspiration is lost forever. Also, for some reason i decided that now would be a good time to catch up with people i haven't seen in ages. As a result i have a lunch and dinner date every night this week, the sports thing thursday and ALL this work to do. So not good. Stressed just a bit!

Other than that, things are good. There have been some house tensions with another giant, long and dramatic house meeting. Strange. Because i wasnt really involved in any of the issues (except perhaps the drugs and the lack of cleaning!!!) i tried to remain the impartial, rational one. THat was of course until W decided to basically question where i spend my money and where i earn it when i said i couldn't afford to pay an extra $20 in lump sum at the same time as rent. He said something along the lines of "well, you can manage to go out...". It was perhaps the worst time for him to bring it up considering i hadn't eaten in almost 3 days, the week before i didn't eat for almost 4. That i haven't gone out and spent any money in 6 months, haven't been to a movie or bought a CD or gone out for dinner. Haven't bought new clothes in about 8 months - despite the fact i've lost a fair bit of weight and my current ones are falling to bits and too big. It was just SOOOOOOOOOO inappropriate - not only that he dared ask it, but how ill informed it was. I'm really really struggling financially. I hate admitting that, but i am, and i do go days on end without food. Its tough, but its worth it to be away from home. I jsut wish he'd appreciate how hard i'm trying to get by. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

But things were relatively resolved.

Not much else is new because i've just been so swamped with work. Oh, i saw the Hampdens the other night and they were fuckin phenomenal. I was so impressed. Went out on Sat to Alia with D and his work mates. It was strange cos it was J's going away party. Both D and J cried when they said goodbye, and i felt terrible because i didn't want to be there. I knew it would have been easier on both of them had i not been there. THey made me go though, for some reason.

Nothing much else to report. More soon when i have hols and can finally breathe.