Had a rockin night last night. Wandered brunswick street sampling bars and cocktails until we stumbled across 'space like alice' and 'ruby's grace' playing at the Evelyn. Dropped by to have a listen and were pleasantly suprised. 'Ruby's grace' managed to blow up 3 amps in 2 songs which was impressive in itself. I also think i might have scored myself a job behind the bar which would be pretty cool - yay free gigs. Yeah so after that we continued our stroll down the street where we ran into some guys from uni who seemed to know who i was (as they were screaming my name excitedly). I had no idea who they were so i was glad when they introduced themselves to my friends. They were cool guys, and dragged us to the cape lounge (i know i swore i'd never go there again but still...) where this really funky latin band was playing this cool jazz fusiony thing. Had a bit of a dance around then called it a night.

Going out tonight with Breece for the first time since the holiday saga. All three of us are going to be there which will be decidedly uncomfortable but i'm so looking forward to seeing him. Dont know what we're doing, probs just going to good ol puggs - you cant go wrong.

Today...well i've just been doing the boring housekeeping stuff. Paid my fines so i dont go to jail and stuff. Oh yeah, and george from AAPT called again today. Its funny, we're getting to know eachother. Whenever he calls hes like "Oh hey felicity its george again, i'm so sorry to bother you but you haven't paid your bill yet...again..." We always end up having a good old chat. Today he asked if i wanted to meet up with him sometime. How weird is that?!!

call of the last night:

looking at a sign "oh my god, its a sign!"

You had to be there.

catch.

I think i'm addicted to writing at the moment. I feel like theres stuff to get off my chest but then when i sit down to type i just cant find the words...and maybe there aren't any. This month seems somewhat anticlimactic - and i'm in no way saying i want a repeat of the holiday from hell as it shall be called from now on - i just guess its all a little quiet. Had one of those "feeling bad about myself" days today, for no good reason other than i can. I'm sick of being unemployed but too damn stubborn to take a "fill in the time" job. Being unemployed makes me feel like i'm unemployable, which isn't true...but you know. At the same time i feel like working in safeway might just be embarrasing. God i'm a snob. I'm still in heaps of debt and having to pay a parking fine before tomorrow or i'm apparently going to jail. Pity i dont have $100. Guess going to jail will be good material for the book ;) Always a bright side.

Contracts was funny today, only because Christian was excessively drunk. There'd been free beer at lush from 11 - 2 and they'd certainly taken advantage of it. The lecturer (pete) asked why christian needed two hand-outs and christian points to me sitting in the back row trying to hide and says "Its for my blonde". I just looked down, smiled and wiggled my little finger and pete was in hysterics. We're now apparently his favourite students.

Hmm Scott is in Sydney for the rest of the week. He called earlier just to announce that they'd given him a fancy hotel in the middle of the city and he had free room service. Thanks for that. Right about now i feel like just getting on a bus, going up to sydney and drinking all the champagne they can fit on one of those carts. Why so down? Ah stuff was crazy at home tonight, again. I'm so over it that "over it" isn't even close anymore. I think i'll go insane if i have to live here more than another six months. I always said this place was detrimental to my mental health and they argued with me - but i am so right. It sucks.

Ah well. Might go watch educational television such as "the amazing race". Oh i've missed that show. Andrew and i used to watch it together every week, just to waste time before that show about the ghost band. It was out discovery of the year. Hmm i want to go back!!!!!!!!!!

catch x

Hmm yes, feeling odd. That could perhaps be the slight stonedness but i think not. Despite the epicness of my break today i really really enjoyed the day. The people in my EF class rock out with the minor exception of dylan who has been behaving but is yet to redeem himself in my eyes. Theres this real cutie called andrew, who comes to me every week and asks me to read his work and sits there and looks at me while i do. He gets really pumped if i laugh about anything, or make good comments. Hes a great writer, wonderfully cynical. And erin is just the greatest ever. We really should make the effort to go out outside uni. We get along awesomely but i only see her once or twice a week. Hmmm. Today was good.

I just spent the evening at Kats. She spent most of the time on the phone to Susannah but Andrew and I entertained outselves by being stupid idiots and making jokes about the bachelor. It is a truely quality show. My favourite part of tonights episode was when a date was decided by a roll of a dice - important when choosing a future partner. I've been taking notes.

Well i'm tired. Should go to bed i guess, just cant get enthusiastic about it. Its all the way upstairs.

Hmmm goodnight xx

Firstly, apologies for lack of blogging action, there is no good excuse...i'm just lazy.

Heres a flinders entry:

I'm sitting here on the balcony overlooking the sea, rugged up in a doonar with a half consumed bottle of wine. Its nice to be out of the city again. My newest chilling out music compilation is playing and night is slinking in in long strands of amber and lilac. Scott is beside me doing a really impressive drawing of some house or something. Every time i try to sneak a peak he hides it and tells me to read him what i'm writing. Good move. He keeps looking at me, going to say something and then stopping. When i ask what he just says "doesn't matter". grrrr.

The strangest thing just happened. While we were cooking dinner i decided to tie the teatowel around my head and dance wildly to whatever song was on (as one sometimes has the desire to do). So i'm dancing away like a total moron when i notice scott staring at me and looking all serious so i stop and he comes out with "I could so easily fall in love with you." It was so random and unexpected, especially considering what i was doing...and at the same time i realised immediately that i couldn't reciprocate. Looking at him now as he sketches, i know what it is, but it hardly makes sense. In this fading light he looks a lot like any guy, true an unbelievably sexy version, but just like any guy. And he is. He lacks quirks and weirdness. He has no flaws or issues. He's just perfect in pretty much every sense. People say no one is perfect but as close as you can get - its this guy. And you think, when you're single that this is what you want, this is what you're searching for. The guy who's so gorgeous he makes you weak at the knees, who'll sweep you off your feet and take you to parks and galleries and you'll stay up all night talking about books and philosophy, drinking sophisticated wine and making love in candle light. You think you're looking for the guy who plays footy with his mates, and soccer with you at the beach but knows how to dress well and cook. The guy who speaks french fluently and plays the cello (oh yes, you wouldn't believe it but he does). You think you're looking for the kind of guy who knows exactly where he's going and knows how he got where he is, and probably has some sort of plan for the future. And if that's what you're looking for then Scott is your man absolutely no questions asked. The thing is, I think i've realised that thats not really what i want at all....am i insane? Quite possibly. My favourite times with chris were when we'd sit in his room and listen to great music, eating icecream out of the tub and drinking too much wine. I love doing that sort of thing. But more than that, the only two times i've been truely in love with someone i loved the best and worst of them equally. Peoples flaws give them dimension, and give relationships strength. When you're with somoene for long enough you grow to adore the strangest things about them, and it is those things you miss when you're apart. Which sounds like I want someone with problems...how strange...But you know what i mean right? right?

We've talked about a lot of things this weekend, walking on the beach or sitting on the pier. Its been great and really interesting. I found out that he just came out of a 6 year relationship. He said to me "I'm sorry if i'm a little full on sometimes, but the only way i remember how to be in a relationship is intensly"...and thats fair. I guess i know what he means. He still has photos of her in his wallet and by his bed (and yes, she looks like some sort of supermodel - oh how suprising), so you think he wouldn't be so intense. Hmm I'm wary of guys who are still in love with their ex-girlfriends, they have got me in trouble more times than i care to recall.

But thats me side tracking, Scott and Nadia are clearly over and he seems to like me a fair bit (never trust a guy who likes you as you are - its a sure sign he settles too easily! And umm...why?) but still, theres something wrong....so is that it - I feel my relationship with Scott can't go anywhere because he is too perfect? Perhaps. It does seem strange. I guess i'll give it time.

Its been an interesting week emotionally. I've felt a little confined, locked in and unsatisfied. I guess in many ways i dont want to be in this country at the moment, i dont want to be going to classes that dont interest me (probably why i haven't been) and i dont want to live at home anymore. I wish i was hiking in south america or south east asia with a pack and a paper and pen. Just wandering, seeing stuff, meeting people and writing lots and lots. Dad is starting grate with everything he says. He seems to have an opinion about everything, even when it isn't his buisness. It angers me how narrow minded and bigoted he is sometimes, with the comments he makes about the news, or when i bring up political issues. I miss living with creative, passionate people, coming home to find someone playing guitar or painting or writing. I miss the way there was this mutual respect and understanding, being in a house where dad sits on the couch and watches tv while mum cooks every night drives me fucking crazy.

I love this place. I know i say that everytime i'm here, and dont make the time to come here nearly often enough. It's so beautiful. We were walking along the beach earlier and there wasn't a person in sight. Its cool that it hasn't gotten too popular. But then again - why would it. The water is full of rocks and sharks and waves and is about 2 degrees. The beach is covered in seaweed and there is nothing, and i mean NOTHING of any interest here. Haha but its still rockin. I hope one day in the very very distant future i can bring my kids here...hmmm i'd be 3 months now..a third. God, dont think about it. Though i cant help it really. Fuck.

Moving on...its getting kinda dark. I think i'll go light some candles and drink some more wine. I hope the night clears up so i can lie here and look at the stars.