Currently listening to: The Wait - The Band. This song kills me because of what i associate it with.

Currently thinking: Oh my god what a busy day this is going to be!

Currently feeling: better. a lot better.

Well, its going to be a busy day. Sorta. You know, just those ones where you're always rushing from place to place. I've got the rugby very soon, and then i've gotta rush home and quickly shower, beautify myself and get back into the city for the ball. I think i'll be cutting it fine. In fact i dont think i'll make it, its not ever possible. Eh they'll deal with it. That way i can make a proper entrance.

Anyway, I'm feeling a lot better. Had a really great day yesterday which got my mind off a lot of things. We hung out in degraves and had lunch and chatted. Then we went back to my place, grabbed my books and drove back to his place where i studied (or tried to) and he read and cooked me dinner. I felt really bad when Nick turned up and i didn't remember who he was. He was like "you dont remember me do you?" and i said "umm was i drinking when i met you?". Yes, yes i was :) Anyway, it was a nice cruisy day and i felt like i got a few things achieved.

Had the most bizaar dream last night. We (as in the family) were having a party down at Flinders, which wasn't weird in itself, but the people we invited were! i couldn't believe that my mind came up with some of the guests. It was mostly adults, as in mum and dads friends, but the younger people were me, kat, dave parker (yeah what the fuck!?), steph and mitali. Then later on, andrew turned up and we were sitting around with guitars writing the stupidest song i've ever heard. I can still remember the lyrics and i have serious concerns for my mental health. Hahaha its ridiculous, we were just picking words that happened to rhyme and sticking them in a sentence.

I gotta go.

Currently wearing: My oldest clothes. I look like a hobo (truely underused word)

Currently listening to: Godless - Dandy Warhols

Currently thinking: I just created the best chill out compilation ever. It took a lot of thinking, but i've put together something pretty cool. Very pleased.

Currently feeling: My whole body hurts and my eyes are still wanting to be asleep.

Just got out of bed. Woke up a few hours ago but managed to laze there for ages until my phone rang. It was what i needed, but somehow i still feel tired. Or maybe i just feel a bit out of it. We were trying to make plans for the day and my contribution would be a long silence followed by "umm...i dont know. Sorry." He ended up just telling me what we'd be doing.

Well i'll recap a little. Wednesday night was fun, especially seeing Kat have such a good time. She doesn't go out all that much anymore because she and andrew are so settled, and he doesn't care about going out, he just likes to sit around at home with friends and get stoned. Haha let me never get to that point. But yeah, we had a good dance and a long chat about lots of quite useless things. THen i didn't feel much like going home so i hung out there, drank some more, danced and chatted to many drunken people. The guy who manages the night was trying to get me to be a 'hostess' (what a stupid term) and it sounded like a reasonable deal until he told me i had to bring 2 girl friends. My mind was going "...umm do i have 2 female friends? I'm not sure..." But yeah, then i want back to andrews. God i was tired by then.

Woke up thursday feeling...i cant even think of the word. Maybe empowered is the right word, maybe not. One of the intuition feelings that i dont trust nearly often enough. So this time i did. I decided to stop sleeping with andrew, cos it seemed like the most sensible thing to do at the time. Its funny, because within about 3 hours i got myself in such a mess about it. I thought i knew why, but i didn't, not until late last night. I realised that i was scared that if we stopped sleeping together then our relationship would lose its edge and eventually i would fade into the background of his chaotic life just like it did last time. It upset me because i really dont want that to happen. But theres so much more to it than that. Dont have the time to write about it.

I gotta go pick Scott up from work now. Will probably write later on.

Felt like blogging more while i'm waiting to go out. Feels like i'm doing something this way. Dont have much to say really, except that i'm already feeling a little stressed about the next 4 weeks. They're going to be crazy in a lot of ways: socially i have four 21sts and 3 balls, and i have some SERIOUS study to do if i intend to pass this year. Which, incidently, i do.

I had planned to lock myself away, far from the lures of alcohol, dancing and boys, but it seems it just isn't meant to be. It is a sure sign that i am meant to party. And perhaps i am, as it will relax me so i can study. I can rationalise anything - and i'd make a damn fine lawyer i reckon...that is if i cared at all.

You know, starting november 14th, i have 4 months of holidays?!! Now thats what i call cool. I'll have to work through them to pay off the ridiculous amount of debt that i'm in, but still, no homework or study!! And on my days off i can go down to the beach and surf and stuff. Yay! I always do this, get way too excited far too early. Oh wells...should be fun.

Haha the parents are in bed. They're going to be horrified when they hear me go out at this hour. They think its the weirdest behaviour ever, even after my extensive explanation of how normal it is. I guess it is strange, especially for a week night, but really - tonight is like any other night to me.

Oh hey, i'm going to the rugby on the weekend - NZ v Italy. Should be a great game, despite the fact that NZ will kill them. Tim bought 4 tickets and didn't know what to do with them so that i'll be good. Only gives me 5 mins to prepare for the army ball but hey...

Anyways, should go out now i guess. Cant keep the fans waiting (ie Brad)...haha

Ok, todays announcement is that i have a crush on a girl. Seriously, i really like Erin. I kissed her again, or more correctly she kissed me again, but either way i didn't mind. It was actually really cool. I dont want this to turn into the boys perverted fantasy so i'm not telling them what happened - with the exception of christian but its kind of weirding me out. I dont think i have those tendancies by any means but i guess its just kind of exciting and new. Plus, i'm flattered that such a hot chick likes me. Hahaha thats really silly. I've never really found a girl physically attractive before. Hmmm...

Anyways. Going out with Kat, Brad and Tori tonight to room again. I had fun last time i was there. I broke the news to brad and he was cool with it, kinda wanted a reason but i didn't tell him the truth - didn't have the heart. Hes a sweetie and it'd devastate him i think, whatever he'd say. Glad hes still cool with me though. Looking forward to seeing Tor too, i think she's over her issues with me by now too. Should be a good one...

Well, gotta get out of the study.

Hmmm

5 thoughts/observations of the day:

1. Far too many people suck. I do not doubt i have said this before, but today has only reaffirmed it. The bystander effect is not just something they invented to punish us in psychology - it actually exists. My car broke down in a busy city intersection at peak hour today and 99.99% of motorists just beeped their horns in anger. The only person who stopped to help me in my distressed and endangered state was a tiny - and i mean TINY - chinese woman who spoke no english. She helped push my car out of the intersection while strapping young university student motorists swore at me. Whats the deal? Further to this a girl was hit very hard by a car at at busy road and ian noted no one else stopped. Seriously, can you believe that? Only the driver and us. Thats it. God people suck. Then ian, who is a sweetheart rode his bike all the way to the hospital to see if she was alright. Now thats what i'm talking about - this should be happening more often.

2. Finally an idea for a book. Thats right, and i know people will tell me only one at a time but this is for CW. Its been under the surface for a while but i've finally figured it out. I was thinking a story of BWS and the law fucking things up, but i really dont want it to be a feminist rant - so i was thinking Whiteside and Dieber. Its such an amazing and tragic story, and people all seem to find it facinating. Maybe if i were to fictionalise it it might loose its edge but i can only try.

3. Difference in ages Today i was thinking about how different people can be despite being the same or similar age, especially in the 20 - 26 age range. What got me thinking about this was Brad. Ok, Brad is 26 right? He still works at Blockbuster, is still tinkering with unrealistic goals of rock stardom and very little else. He has no girlfriend, no real ambitions, no house. (Note i have nothing against this - its just observations) My bro however, is also 26 and is off to Iran tomorrow as one of the few environmental accounting advisors in the world. He lives with his long term hungarian princess girlfriend in a schmancy apartment in the city. Then i was thinking my sis is 2 years younger than Brad and is far more advanced, if only in terms of maturity. When i talk about maturity i dont mean in a silliness sense, just in terms of thinking, and dealing with stuff. Even i feel more mature than him. Then how about this one - at 26 my parents were married with a kid and a house in camberwell. Now thats craziness. But still, its interesting. I guess its all about choices and how you grow up. Its cool though, either way.

4. How sunshine affects mood. God people were cheery today and it certainly wasnt the fact that it was a monday and our first day back at uni after holidays. Bring on the summer i tell you.

5. I really enjoy a lot of music that many people regard as 'country'. Disturbing? Yes. Yes indeed. Mark K would be loving this revelation. He always said it would happen. Hmmm wonder how hes doing over there in London. Anyways, yeah, this is new for me. Let me use examples: Wilco. I think Jeff Tweedy is an amazing lyricist and Yankee Hotel Foxtrot is a fucking masterpiece of an album - i dont care what anyone has to say. Yet today, i was reading something that said it was "catchy alternative country". I never would have used that term. And another one?: Ryan Adams (to which many of my less musically inclined friends say "You like Brian Adams?"). This guy is a god. Nothing more to say about it. And recently i read him described as "country punk". Eh? I cant even wrap my head around what country punk would sound like. I only picked this all up because of what i thought was an ongoing dislike of country music from my behalf. It seems i was indeed wrong, i do like country music, but i just didn't know what it was.

Its time for bed i think. Its been a really long day.

I'll leave you with some country lyrics:

The ashtray says
You were up all night
When you went to bed
With your darkest mind
Your pillow wept
And covered your eyes
And you finally slept
While the sun caught fire

...just what i'm listening to right now...