I am so wrecked! Played hockey today and ran until i almost died. Then drove straight to essendon to umpire a couple of games in the freezing cold. Scott turned up to my game in footsgray which was really sweet of him, and he bought me lunch cos he knew i was going straight somewhere else. :) What a sweetie.

Had a highly amusing night last night. Christian and I went out to Sunbury to see my old band play in battle of the bands. Though i have a feeling christian only went to meet bowen. When we rocked up i didn't even want to get out of my car - i was scared, seriously. They had metal detectors at the door, and gaurds and paramedics. So worrying. The crowd wasn't exactly nice either. Through the whole thing we were fearing for our lives and making sure we didn't make eye contact. Anyway, bowen was phenomenal as expected, had girls screaming with his solos and mullet (yes, thats right, he now has a mullet). NIk was awesome too, although christian requested she stop trying to look sexy. Haha. Anyway, they won which wasn't highly suprising. And i learnt that i'm never going to sunbury again. It was good to see bowen, if no one else, things have been a little weird since the "break up" if i can call it that. He was sufficiently arrogant to remind me why i stopped things. Christian was claiming i was a groupie cos i knew all the words and had slept with the guitarist. Not fair. Of course i know the words, i wrote the bloody songs. Then C and i went to dinner at the Chocolate Buddah which was rockin'. I was very impressed.

Oh oh Ian asked ursh out and she said yes! HAha thats my exciting news. It was only cos shes a sweetie but still...its cool for him.

Anyway, I'm so tired but i'm still going out. Last saturday night of the holidays...must get up, get changed, be social. Just want to crash. Scott is picking me up and taking me to a suprise location. I dont feel like a suprise tonight but its still nice of him.

Will write something more coherant later. I've got so much on my mind that i should be writing that stuff but my brain isn't functioning.

xxx

Officially the lowest day of my year. I feel like throwing myself in front of something fast moving. Everything, all the tough points of the last month have just collided in my head. It hurts so much and it wont stop, wont go away. I'm so tired of feeling like this, i just want to go back to how i felt at the start of the year, before all this shit. Andrew says i'll be stronger because of it, but i dont feel stronger, i just feel exhausted and drained. I have so much to say and no one i can tell. Its so isolating. And i'm frustrated because i dont want to be sad anymore. I just want to feel better. HAve to go..

Just wasting a little time before i meet up with em. I'm quite looking forward to seeing her, but it will be intense as it always is. She likes discussing all those truely cheerful topics.

Onto something pretty exciting and highly untimely. I met someone who i think might just be great. His name is scott. I met him the other night when i went to drop off phil's cake for ursh. I'd renounced guys so i wasn't even looking, but then i ran into him - quite literally - walked straight into him. Oh yes, i'm very coordinated. But he just grinned at me and said hi. And then we got talking and talked for ages and ages. He's a sweetheart and soo gorgeous (wow, i sound like i'm in highschool). Then we went out on Sunday, and again yesterday when we went to ikea and acted like absolute idiots, running round and playing with stuff. We had so much fun. Its really cool, i feel completely comfortable with him already and i've only known him a few days. I think this might be heading somewhere :) He's 25 and an architect, from sydney. I went back to his rocking apartment in south yarra and just totally fell in love. He had all this great artwork, and books everywhere...so wonderfull pretentious, but totally intelligent and cute. Last night he cooked me dinner and then we went for a long walk and chatted more. Ah hes great. Ok, so i'll shut up about him now. Pity the timing is sooo bad. Nevermind. These things happen.

I'm listening to norah jones. I like it. I've never paid a whole lot of attention to her, i just thought it was a lot of hype - but shes actually great. Who would have thought.

Grrr i have to go back to uni next week. And before i do i have that killer essay to write. Everyone else has already finished and i dont even know what the question is. God i suck, i'm so disorganised. Oh oh you know what i'm doing? i'm entering a writing competition. To be honest its cos i want to win the $1500, which would be awesome. I think i might enter lots of stories, under different names. What a fraud!

Haha i'm in a strange mood. I think its cos i haven't had enough sleep. I'm all hyper. Maybe i'm in love :) hahaha so pathetic.

should go meet em. yay!

xxxxxxxxx

Back from Numurkah - though not a minute too soon. Dont get me wrong, i had a really fun week, and i love those guys, but i guess the timing wasn't great. I still had so many unresolved feelings swimming around my head when i went away and not being able to talk about them was pretty tough. We had fun though, partied hard, drank way too much and got to know eachother better. They really are very special people and i'm lucky to know them. They were a little annoying when they'd had a bit to drink though and wouldnt leave me alone. Two of them ended in a punch up over me which is so weird. I actually ended up getting really annoyed at them and yelling at them to just give me some space and ease up. They were better after that. We attempted to play a lot of golf, squash, tennis and swim and walk heaps. I spent most of my time laughing i think. On the last day we drove bumpkin back to berrigan and got the tour which was pretty cool. Such a cute quaint little town. He seemed really happy that we showed interest so i'm glad we went.

Played hockey last night and god damn it was so cold!! And we lost. So much for that eh :)

Saw zoe today and had a long talk as alway. It was good to see her.

Anyway, not feeling too much like writing. I think i'll go have a shower.