Why so much blogging you ask? Other option? Fxing essay.

God damn it i want to go out.

Anyway, was just wasting time and writing my book when something struck me. Alex's name should not be Alex. Its too down to earth and tomboyish. It needs to be something a little cuter but not too cute. I dont know. Hmmm. The problems i'm having with this stupid thing.

Mes parentals go away in a few hours - thankyou god.

back to it...save me...please save me

Well that was a priceless post. I enjoyed the fact that I thought I could survive forever with no sleep and use the extra hours to take over the world. Ahh drunken logic.

Well I have a job interview. I have discovered a funny correlation between applying for jobs and getting interviews. Weird. Anyway, I’m a little worried as a lied profusely on my CV, more as a joke with myself than anything. Apparently, for the past two years i've been the secretary for fifth unknown pty ltd. Its just that i've taken about 600 days of unpaid holidays. I also have an phenomenal typing speed, and know how to use a switchboard (just not the one they have!) I really want the job though, cos its in executive media and publishing. Right down my alley. And you know how I like alleys...

I am drunk. Yay.

Its 1 in the morning. i should go put some cloths on. am wearning not enough. cold. much fcold/

i have announcements;

1. I am NOT a free CALL GIRL. If you think my services ared good then fucking pay for htem. cos damn it i ned moneyyyyy.
2. i will not pose for picture magazine
3. guys (with xetpction of scott) are fuckheasd

am happy times pissed off. happy. happy i'm trashed on this wonderful fridasy morning. pissed off for the same reason im often pissed off and its not pms, its pissed off ness. k?

i jut wronte this big massive rant. went for pages. Was really really really firesty. but i deleted it cos people may get offended, and dont want any of that happened

Things of the week...

song: that you am i one i was ltn fuck thats a hard word listeneing to today
book: criminal law sourse book - rocks my world baby
person: hmm...my darling christiano or perhaps scoot who so kindly got me drunk. te quiero cuando no puedo hablar porque bebe mucho
quote: "hows fuckhead?"
"whos fuckhead?"
"you know, fucking fuckhead"
"oh i see. fine."
event: dancing. i miss dancing. is my favourite activite yay for dancing
thought: oter than fuck i'm durnk again ummm thinking that i need sex. thinking of that bell curve and how i'm pretty mich at the top right about ahora. call me. anyone who is reading this and lives in australia. call me 0412 886 997...no, thats not really my number. as if i'd give my number out. though if you call that you get to speck to someone whos not one of my favourti ppl. funnyi sttil remember htha number. wow bad sentence. does sentence have an e or an a. SENTANCE> prehaps.

Im not tired. should be. i thik my addivtion to sleep tablets has ruined my ability to sleep naturally. never mind. i shall prosper as the one and only human who can survive unsleeped. think of all i cna achieve in those hours regular people are sleeping. so good. yay for me.

its zo zos birthday on sunday. probably wont getto see her cos her and mr wonderful will be out and about. god relationships are fucked. they get in the way of my life. other peoples thatis. cos i cant maintain my own. i can ruin other peoples thats been established. yay, this is a happy topic. but anyway, its her birdthay. i hope shes good. i miss her kinda. which is funny cos shes a bit of a bitch in retrospect. ah well. hope shes happy anyway.

and other people i ahvet seen in a while. hmm like katie! i hope shes good too. i wonder what shes p to atm. should just start calling people randomly.

bet theyre sleeping.

iiii love you even when im sleeping
when i close my eyes your every where.

well not so much.

dont be confused by my apparent lack of ceremony. my mind is clear. - that i dotn bleieve

i haven't heard that song in ages. its not even good.

you could be a buddah baby, if you free where you belong
theres never nay misconceptions
when everything you know is wrong
its a brave new world
is a carousel come ture
thats whyt ir gets me down
sitting her listening to you

hey. have you ever been so blissfully happy that you became completely and utterly sad. Sad because you knew the moment, as is the nature of moments, couldn't last foreve? i had that. it was so wierd. its like you gontdf understnd what you're feeling at all. I was there rihgt, and i went 'i'm not sure if its ever possible to top this' well not in the near futhre. and it sucked cos...i dont know. should just enjoy the moment for the moment eh?

have you ever felt like eveyone in the world was alslep and you were the only one awake? and you lie there, and the hours drip so slowly, and you can see everything and you know everything in the room back the front by the time morning comes. the cobweb in the corner. the generic cobwqv, likw the one in my old room at the front of the house, just exactly like it. and the 6 squares. six. six because you think about what letters you could put there. what words have six letteres. and those photos. the photos that tear yur heart out. people never look so beatufiul as when they're happy like that. kills me. i tell ya.

well the scents gone from my skin. it wore off, or washed off or got replaced. thats porbably most liely. i miss it. god now i'm going to get all sulky. i shouldn't.

i'll leave you all with a song

"i feel you in the empty fluroesence
of a banged up hotel room
and i whisper in the not so silence
that i hope to see you soon"

goodnight. i love you all completely. seriously.

My father is a loser. I am embarassed that i share his genes. Hes ranting unreasonably. I think i shall hide in the study.

The essay is coming along nicely. I have resorted to using latin in any sentance that lacks credibility. When in doubt - use an ancient language.

God i'm so bored that its almost painful. I want to get out of the house. Perhaps i'll go for a run. Thats a great idea.

OH MY GOD!!!!! I cannot even begin to explain how amused i am about what i just stumbled upon - a site entitled "carey chicks" - www.geocities.com/careychicks/ where the breaking news was that me and adam were getting friendly and i was seeing james pearson?!! are they fucking crazy? To clarify the finger sucking incident, which i remember clearly... I was at the movies with gytis, adam, jono and dan when all of a sudden jono took my hand. He was running his fingers in this really cool pattern, basically showing me this trick he'd learnt. I thought it was cool and told him it would work for me. Adam didn't like this, and decided he'd show his trick which was far far better apparently. Out of the blue he starts sucking my fingers. I was laughing too hard to object. I cant believe people heard about that and thought it gossip worthy. my god, there was so much better dirt on me like that fact that i spent every assembly making out with one of my teachers in the music room. Haha good thing they didn't publish that one. so amusing. Oh and the closest i got to pearson was sitting next to him in maths. Or perhaps that time he tackled me in soccer and fell on top of me. God i remember that incident fondly. Anyways, i must find who invented this page and kill them. On another amusing point marcel was in the competition for "awesome carey chick" award showing how well and truely these people are fucked up. The funniest part is, they're probably my friends. wait til i find them. grrrr

"I love your TV, it talks to me in french". - Sometimes these things just come to you.

It's 1:30 in the morning but that's alright by me
Weren't you just waiting by the phone?
I should give a little warning
But I need the things I need
I'm not proud to need a hand, but I just don't
understand...

So why should you come when I call?
I never say nothing at all
Why do I go when I go?
It's leaving me here all alone
You ought to get out on your own

Ain't necessarily a bad thing to believe the
things I say
Cause you can make yourself feel good
You know it's really not a good thing to give
everything to me
I'm just waiting for the show cause I got
nowhere to go

So why should you come when I call?
I never say nothing at all
Why do I go when I go?
It's leaving me here all alone
You ought to get out on your own

Cause nothing makes me feel so good
Or gets me high so I sleep at night
And let's me know that everything's alright
I feel nice
I'm so sorry in the morning
You can believe what you believe
I'm used to waking up alone
And if you think about it
Anyone you think about is better love than me
But if you're not fallen quite asleep
I might call tonight
If that's alright...

Why should you come when I call?
I never say nothing at all
Why do I go when I go?
It's leaving me here all alone
You ought to get out on your own

enough said?

Trying to counsel a friend about relationships today and i barely stopped to laugh at the irony. Strange cos i love good irony. Anyway, i sat and I listened to him talk about when he should call her, how many days, hours and what he should say when he finally did. As if theres a formula. He concluded that 4 days was about right. And while he was going on about how casual and flipant he'd be i imagined her sitting by her phone at home and driving herself fucking crazy to the point she'd reconsider eating that piece of cake, or perhaps visit the gym for the first time in a few months. I know her well enough to know she'd find fault in herself when he didn't call for 2 days. One of the more truely beautiful people in the world would start questioning what she said, what she wore, if perhaps she should lose more weight (and god i pray she doesnt) if one boy waited a few too many hours to call. Again I laugh at what we do to ourselves.

Anyway, so i ask him when he wants to call, and what he wants to say. He says he wants to call her right now and tell her what a great time he had the other night, and how much he wants to see her again. So i say - do that. But he argues with me until hes almost yelling, so i grab his phone, call her number and hand it to him. She anwsers, he blurts out the most taken aback, pathetic excuse for a conversation and voila - they're having lunch tomorrow. 4 whole days of totally misery for them both abolished in an instant. Just call me oprah. I was right though, these games are fucked.

Then i called scott and apologised. I shouldn't have been unnerved when he asked me to move in, if thats what he wanted, why shouldn't he say it. Now i think about it, i'm actually impressed. He's bright enough to know that such a thing would freak me out but had the state of mind to ask regardless. I pay that.

So yeah, i'm in the middle of an all-nighter i'm intending to pull tonight. Should be some fun.

Might write later on....

Just had an idea whilst wasting as much time as humanly possible, by perusing random blogs. God there is some great stuff out there. Anyways I had an idea for a story. Bored guy/girl stumbles across blog of random guy/girl and gets crazy obsessed and then...god knows. Cos really, reading someones blog is as good as stalking but you're less likely to get busted, and its far far easier....despite the fact that i look great in camo. Haha anyways, I dont know where it would go but its an idea...