Feeling like a bit of a blogslut these days. I'm writing all over the place and its hard to keep up. Stuff was ok today i guess, felt a little hungover for the morning though.

Its actually been a strange day. Firstly - if you refer to a few entries back you'll see me talking about Greg and how desperately i wanted to see him. Well, guess who just cruised into Melbourne! First time in over 2 years. I'm going on a mission tomorrow to find him and i'm soooo excited. I'm just going to rock up and suprise him. There will be tears and lots of them....

Secondly - I'm on msn to Potts. Its been 2 years since i've spoken to him too! He now lives in melbourne and goes to RMIT which is just unbelieveable. Cant believe we haven't run into eachother. Unfortunately brett is studying in ballarat...grrr...but he does come down here often. Me and potts are having a drink at the oxford next week. yay! He's still with Katie too. I remember that night we spent in Baccus and he went on and on about her. Its just so great they've made it work.

Anyway, should go be more productive. I'll definately write something better tomorrow - after i see Greg!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like i have a lot to say, but its being spread so thin amoungst all these different blogs...

xoxox

Currently listening to: Horns - Couch

Currently thinking: That i wish exams were over. That i should put some clothes on.

Currently feeling: Excited about seeing Reiko tonight. Not so impressed about going out though.


Conspiracies...

1. Stupid subject selection. This day of every year drives me fucking crazy. None of the subjects in my major (that i haven't already done) actually appeal to me. None of them are slightly useful and therefore can be excused for being boring. None of those that i choose are excepted by the system. For further rant about this see Hello Ariel.

2. I was NOT going to go out tonight. I even said no to Breecys b'day thing at Puggs with the army boys (i wonder why?!!?). And then Kat called and insisted i come with her and Reiko to Rockroom because they want to dance. And i said no and she used her stupid emotional blackmail "ooohhh i never seee you...and i soooo wanted to go...oh well...maybe we just wont go...and i'll sit at home like i do every night. even though i've just finished exams and was soooooo wanting to party. No, its fine...i'll just stay home. Reiko will just have to do something else too even though i PROMISED her. No...its fine...seriously............................." Oh for fucks sake. why do people need me to have fun? Dont answer that. So yeah, i said until midnight latest. You dont understand how fucked i am with my study. I AM GOING TO FAIL. But yeah, i guess seeing Reiko will be cool.

HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY: I'm in my car, listening to the radio and what song comes on? You'll never ever believe it. "HCHELLO HCHELLO". I almost screamed. Well ok...i did scream. I was driving along singing at the top of my lungs. It put me in the best mood ever. And then, all of a sudden my phone rings. Who is it? CHRIS!!! Hes like "you'll never guess what song was just on the radio!"...totally cool. I haven't heard this song since the last time i was at his place (over a year ago now) and we taped the telephone to the wall with electrical tape and wrote 'hchello' across the hall. We dedicated almost every spare friday to this damn band. It was highly exciting for both of us. Cool to speak to him too. What a beautiful, gentle soul he is...

La la la la la di daaa...Ok, i'm on a bit of a high right at the moment. No reason in particular. Been kinda a long day i guess.

I was just reading old emails as i like to do from time to time (REALLY OLD) and i came across this survey that Jez did on me. Its a pisser.

1. My name: Felicity, i think (another note, this whole exercise gives me the absolute right to be an asshole and a smartarse, so watch out!!!)

>>>2. Where did we meet?: School in grade 7, but i started talking to u more prob in yr 10 science...oh and because of tom

>>>3. Take a stab at my middle name: hhhhmm Jane. i have no idea, but thats my guess

>>>4. How long have you known me?: Too long!!! i dunno 5 years really i guess

>>>5. How well do you know me?: really super duper well.

>>>6. Do I smoke?: hhmmm, smoke what? cigs, i dunno, u might occasionally but i don't think u do, pot, well, lets not go there!!! ;)

>>>7. Do I believe in God?: HAHAHA (i'll say no more)

>>>8. When you first saw me what was your impression?: Pot smoking threat to society! No, umm i thought you were hot. You still are hot. And i thought you were a psycho. You still are a psycho.

>>>9. My age?: 17?

>>>10. Birthday?: ooooh, i'll go with 18th december.

>>>11. Color hair?: LOL, well, natural or your artificial colour? Nah jj - blondie

>>>12. Color eyes: hhmm, blueish green. i would no out of neone after winning those comps at marios

>>>13. Do I have any siblings?: u have and older sister, i dunno if thats it or not.

>>>14. (If opposite sex) Have you ever had a crush on me?: haha, i dunno about that one, we seem to be getting into dangerous territory ;) Nah, you know i have...

>>>15. (If same sex) Have you ever been jealous of me?:

>>>16. What's one of my favorite things to do?: hhhm, smoke pot. nah, play guitar, get unnecesarily trashed, be fiesty, argue with me. thatll do

>>>17. Do you remember one of the 1st things I said to you?: LOL, no. prob something sweet like 'get the fuck out of my chair'. you didnt like me much

>>>18. What's my favorite type of music?: beats me, probably some sort of alternative rock stuff knowing you

>>>19. What is the best feature about me?: you smoke pot, (im really bored in eco atm) nah, your beautiful and sweet and crazy and wag class with me at every chance. you smile so much. your always there for me. you hate tom. this is too soppy now

>>>20. Am I shy or outgoing?: outgoing

>>>21. Would you say I am funny?: funny haha or funny peculiar?

>>>22. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?: somwhere in between xcept when farrugia is involve. then ur just a bitch

>>>23. Any Special Talents?: u play guitar, does taht count, i dunno. you suck at staring comps. oh you can do three backflips and you can run fucking fast

>>>24. Would you consider me a friend?: hella yes. my best friend!

>>>25. Would you call me preppy, slutty, homie, average, sporty, punk, retarded, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else?: how bout a retarded, nerdy snob? i dunno. nah sporty hippie is the only one there that is you

>>>26. Have you ever seen me cry?: don't think so, actually, yes once

>>>27. If there were one good nickname for me what would it be?: that requires too much thinking. other than blondie...

>>>28. (Opposite sex) Have we ever kissed? ahem...depends whos asking. is it my gf?

>>>29. (Opposite sex) Would we ever kiss? i'm not liking these questions any more

>>>30. (Opposite sex) Would you ever date me? we'd kill eachother

>>>31. What do you think I will be in the future? beats me, pot smoking surfy at byron?! beautiful rock princess perhpas

>>>32. Do you think i'll get married? hhmmmm, maybe temporarily! i dunno

>>>33. What type of person would i marry? see start of answer 31

>>>34. What's your favorite memory of something we've done together? that time we ran about 6 ks to get away from schiller and you almost died. or when we rocked out at the GHM

>>>35. Do you think we'll stay friends in the future? knowing you you'll drift off but i hope so

>>>36. If you could do or say one thing to me what would it be?? hello pot head (i dunno) nah love you baby. ur always my girl.

How funny is that? I didnt smoke that much at the time did i?

Anyway, i'm going to bed. So tired.

A big special hi and congrats to Ger, my favourite barman in the world, for getting into the cocktail finals in Finland and being one of the top 4 in the UK. You rock out! Yay!

Wow. For the first time ever i just read my book, 'Three', from beginning to end. It took most of the day but I am intensely proud. Not of the quality, which is still lacking if i really want to make any impact, but simply of the fact that i wrote something so substantial - and it isn't bad. There are some really good sections if i look at it objectively. Wow. So excited by this. Wow.

I am not only smiling, i am shining too. I am so proud of myself.

"The moment is indefinite but for the feeling of intimate complicity...truth veiled by a fleeting contentment."

Indeed.

I am smiling. I wish there was some non-verbal way of expressing that on the blog so i could record that on this particular day i smiled all day. But i cant, so i shall be content with writing it instead.

I woke this morning to the sound of great chill out music in the kitchen and the smell of strong, fresh coffee. The fact that is was raining made it even more beautiful to be relaxing in bed. God i love sundays. More than that, the start of the day is very important, if it is good then you will have a good day i believe. Theres nothing like waking up in the arms of someone you adore, knowing you have nowhere to go, nothing to do but enjoy the moment. I love the time just after morning sex where you're lying there, breathing deeply, bathing in the shared heat and glow of your bodies, and for a second theres a level of intimacy thats like nothing else. I love being naked, smelling so humanly of sex and someone else, of warmth and the evening before. Its such a pure, natural thing. I generally hate mornings - but not this morning. Life should be like this all the time. I think i'll put in a request.

Lans' 21st last night. I have been to about 7 in the past month, and every time i stand there thinking "I cant wait to have all my friends in the same room!" Wasn't a bad night, though i was painfully tired and had a headache. Didn't know many people either, except James, who i was banned from talking to, and Rossy. Ended up just watching the rugby with this poor guy who didn't know anyone at all (not even Lans) and had been ditched by his girlfriend who'd insisted he came in the first place. The speeches were funny as always.

Have my WEF presentation tomorrow and i'm sooooooo nervous already. I really dont want to give it, because i'm just not happy with it yet. I was quietly pleased with my last one, so that was ok, but...hmmm...so nervous.

Things i like at the moment:

- the following bands: Turin Brakes, Beautiful Girls, Speedstar
- the following websites: Camilles xanga, selftaughtgirl.com (shes just an amazing writer)
- the following people: Greg (god damn it i miss you so so so so much greg. If you're reading this please bring that beautiful ship of yours to melbourne to visit me. If i dont see you soon i think i'll cry. Thankyou for your email my love, keep having fun!). Scott - mmm. Ez - a sweetie. Zoe - my angel. Breece - fuck its his birthday!!!!!!!! I forgot!!
- the following books: The autumn of the patriach - Gabrielle Garcia Marquez is the greatest writer of our time and is my absolute hero. The stories of Eva Luna - officially the best prologue ever written.
- the following random things: bed, my grandmas impression of modern music which had me in tears tonight it was so hysterical, my predictive dreams about horse racing, the new house with bumpkin, breece and warfey - should be rocking, the beach.

Thankyou and goodnight.

It has finally happened. I knew it had to eventually, but i never believed it would happen at this soon or because of this particular catalyst. Its a great thing, but i'm not as thrilled as i thought i might be. In some ways i'm a little sad. I know that is crazy, and slap me if you want, but seriously, theres something beautiful about possessing those feelings. Its a wonderful headspace to be in, and that kind of selflessness teaches you a lot about yourself if nothing else. But these things run their course, they pass and you are wiser because of them. This has passed and i feel very peaceful.

I think that was possibly the most vague and ambiguous post ever, but right now i dont know better words. I'm so insanely tired.

Its been an interesting couple of days that i will share later, when i can keep my eyes open.

Goodnight.