Well well. Hmm. I dont know where to begin. Its been a rough few days. I dont want to write too much about E, i dont know why i cant bring myself to talk about it, but i guess i have to mention it just quickly. I dont think i'll ever meet anyone quite like her. I knew from the moment i met her that she was special and that opinion never changed. I trusted her with everything and have always thought of her as one of my dearest friends. I remember sitting in her peach tree in carlton and telling her about what happened at church. She was the first person i ever told and it was enough just for her to know, i never had to tell anyone else. I remember making up stupid dances in her garden to the backstreet boys or something pathetic. I remember walking on the beach at johanna. The farugia pool stand. Aquilya. Mrs Seacow. There are so many memories with her in them. If i'm going to be honest i'm hurting pretty badly, but for some reason i'm completely ok. I dont want to say any more about it, i feel like this happens too often.

The last few days have been blissfully quiet. Perhaps too quiet though, because i've had a lot of time to think and thats not something i need more of. I always feel that theres something to be pondered, to be decided, but what if theres not? Perhaps there just isn't at the moment. Had dinner with Scott tonight and he always manages to leave me with a billion questions. I dont know if i should keep seeing him, its not good for either of us.

Really really glad that i'm getting out of this city for a while, away from the rain, these people, these issues. I cant wait to get out there on a surfboard and forget about it all.

peace out

I think my body must hate me. It really must. What a week. This is craziness that has to be toned down before i need to be hopitalized. Despite a vow not to go out last night i wasn't really in the mood to stay home by myself so i went to see scott. There were about 10 people there, all partying hard, so i joined in the festivities and the next thing you know a bottle of vodka and half a bottle of wine have been consumed and i'm lying on the floor singing...well i wont tell you what i was singing. Haha got up at about 6 this morning and drove home, still exceedingly drunk, stopping to throw up at regular intervals. Then as soon as i got into bed my sister called me in a panic and i went over there to write her next assignment for her. I bet its all utterly senseless but i guess thats not my problem to deal with. I just curled up on the couch with about 6 litres of coffee and dictated.

Feeling slightly better now having eaten. Just remembered it was mad monday. Good thing i didn't remember that this morning eh? :)

Its great that the parents are away. Its so nice without them around. I can listen to my music loud and cook whatever i want, and come and go as i please. I wish it was always like this. I guess one day it will be. Not anytime soon though. I'm trying to save money cos Kat and i are going to South America next summer - yay!!! So excited! I know its ages away but it will be so beautiful and exotic. Cant wait!

All this sitting up is making my head hurt. I'm going to lie down again.