hello page. Geez you know what? I think i've been getting a little too worked up recently. Why is that? I think maybe i'm just stressed out and so i'm being a little peculiar. I've changed, (i swear its only temporary), and i dont like it. THis isn't like me. What happened to the old me? What have you done with her? Well here begins the mission to stop worrying so much. I'm losing sleep and thats doing bad things to my mind and general ability to construct sentences. So i'll do whatever and worry about nothing and i wont read into stuff so god damn much..and i'll get some sleep. You know i went to bed last night at 1 and got to sleep sometime around 5.30. Thats a fair few sheep. Slightly delerious here.
Wednesday already eh? Time flies doesn't it. Oh you know how intelligent i am? Thats right, i'm very very smart. You see i agreed to meet a total stranger in a car park in St. Kilda. Yeah well done phe, brilliant idea. Mr Healsville Park Ranger guy called and asked if i'd meet him. I said no. He said please. I said ok. I stood my ground pretty well i reckon. Oh wells, should be amusing (if i dont get abducted). Note to self: next time choose public area to meet. On a more exciting note - i heard from Danni - finally! Her whole email was designed to make me ridiculously envious, which i am. Shes having the greatest time and now isn't coming home until December.

I cant see the screen. Its all blurry...must sleep now..yes...sleep is good. ooh this song is great...*pack, and get dressed, before you father hears us, before all hell breaks loose.*

Guess what? Stalker Stephen is back in full force. He called 19 times today. Thats right, stopped one short of the nice round figure of 20. I think at the twenty mark it might have moved from obsessive to impressive. Sometimes perserverence deserves credit. I considered threatening the same police intervention along with a restraining order as i did with Piers but decided against it. Hes actually quite a harmless guy, just a little delusional.

Tell me – what happened to ‘common decency’? Am I deluded about what common decency entails? Does it in fact exist in abundance and I just don’t notice it because I’m looking for something different? Perhaps. It seems that’s the only reasonable explanation. Is it really to much to expect that people will kept to their arrangements to the best of their ability or at least inform you that they wont be making their appointment? Is it wrong to expect a simple phone call, a maximum of 10 little numbers to dial, well courtesy of modern technology only one or two, if you know how to use your phone…or even a message. I don’t expect hours of the day, or 5 page letters, or even 20 minute conversations, just a little ‘hi, how are you, oh that’s nice, I’m fine thankyou, sorry I havent spoken to you in a while ITS NOT THAT I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU I’M JUST PREOCCUPIED WITH MANY OTHER THINGS THAT I FIND FAR MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU!’ All that can be said about this matter is Grrrrr. I suppose its not a big deal, just kinda wish people would show a little more consideration, not just to me but to everyone, to eachother…people in general deserve to be treated better. Here I am up on my moral high-horse but I know I’m just as much to blame sometimes. I’m sure I say things I don’t follow through on, or don’t call my friends for ages either cos it doesn’t enter my mind or I’m too lazy, but I thought I’d bring it up anyway, for venting’s sake. So there was my vent, now lets move on…
hang on..is it Monday? Only Monday? Oh i see...i take all of the above back. Silly girl.
HAHAHAHAHA oh i'm sorry, thats just funny.
Anyways i gotta go to university, yey!!

Back later on...well i played and won hockey, a convincing yet slightly boring 9-0. I finally got the ball in the back of the net too, pretty unimpressive but hey, first and probably last of the season.
I dont know why i'm writing. Nothing to say, just avoiding doing something more productive i guess. I'm feeling a bit weird today. Weird isn't the best word for it but i dont know what is. Its a combination of emptiness, frustration, confusion and disappointment. I dont know exactly where they come from though i could hazard a guess. I mean i'm not sad or depressed by any means, in fact i'm particularly sparkly today, but theres something lingering and i cant quite put my finger on it. I know the best way to describe it...its like i'm waiting anxiously for something, but i know its not coming. You know, like when you're waiting for someone you're meeting up with and are excited about it but theyre really really late and you kinda know they've forgotten. Thats the feeling. Told you it was weird and meaningless.
I think i need to do something good. Good for other people and good for my soul. Life's been just a little bit too much about surviving recently and not enough about making other people happy. I think i'll do some good deads tomorrow and maybe make a few suprise visits if i have the time. Its about time i think...

Well that was a cheery entry now wasn't it. What a sunshiny day, beautiful, just beautiful. I've just been sitting outside drinking coffee and reading the paper. The tulips by the fountain are almost up, my favourite flower, always remind me of that feild near kingham. Well last nights work shift was a bitch. SOOOO long and full on, i dont think i stopped running for the nine or so hours i was there. Now i can hardly move my legs...and i gotta play hockey later. Despite being difficult, last night rocked. It was almost back to the way it was at the start. We had a better DJ and Heinz and i spent a lot of the night dancing. Even when we were just serving we were still dancing around, singing and throwing bottles (not that we can do it, which only makes it funnier). Beck asked me to play at some gig with her and for some reason i said "sure". I dont know what i was on!! Ahhhh!!! Oh wells, i suppose shes good so that'll make up for my lack of talent. Hmm what else happened...oh call of the night, which isn't funny unless you were there but still...Cos it was my last shift with a lot of them i just decided that i'd dress a little bit differently, do my hair differently and so on, ok so it was a little bit...umm... out there? Well as i walked in Michael looked up at me and said really loud, so that the whole bar could hear "My god! Hello straight side!!" Gerard laughed so hard he almost fell over. I dont really know why it was funny but we were laughing about it all night.
Speaking of funny calls...yesterday Kat and i went on a mission to find cake. (dont ask, its just what we do) In fact it was such a big mission we drove all the way to Elsternwick where she knew of a good shop. Well we finally got there and as we were walking towards the shop i said "oh its closed" and moments later she says "oh its shabut (sabbath)" Being the vague individual i am i said "thats what i just said." When we worked out what was going on we laughed so hard that we were crying in the middle of the street with everyone who passed by just staring at us. i suppose she was stoned and i was just hyper. Actually yesterday was such a great day, so chilled out. We just hung around, i played Andrews drums at a volume that was sure to annoy her neighbours and we just chatted about everything. Should do it more often.
The guy ursh gave my number to messaged me and wants to have dinner or lunch. Grrrr fine...i hate saying no. Damn her.
Well anyways, this has been quite a dull entry...on that note i'll be going to sit outside again.

As another day ends i run out of excuses. I turn my face to the sun and the shadows i saw disappear. I remember Adam saying that reality is sweet simply because it is real. He was right.